Why Nice is the New Grey

PND caused by boring mums

I’m sitting in playgroup with a bunch of bored looking mums. Little Max is throwing cookies up in the air and Cooper’s crushing them under his toddler sneakers. My daughter runs into the fray grabbing for someone else’s treats.

“Oh your daughter's eating off the floor” says one mum to me “Oh, she does that all the time” I say flashing what I hope is a disarming and friendly smile. Everyone turns to look at my 18 month old licking crumbs off the ground. I roll my eyes internally at the constant pressure of judgement that came down on me like a grey UNHCR issue refugee blanket since I did the last thing I remember I wasn't judged for: had sex without a condom and deliberately conceived a child. The judgement is hard and fast. She's too cold, says a granny at the supermarket. She needs more fencing, says my neighbour as he watches her climbing our deck. Hungry, tired, too thin, too fat, no shoes, no manners, too loud, too immature, too cheap. And only just turned one year old.

A bit later on a mother I faintly know frumps in with her baby and two year old looking frayed at the edges. I haven’t seen her for two weeks and we discuss how she probably has PND, as did I at the six month stage, as would anyone who hasn’t slept more than four hours in six months.

She also confesses to not LOVING the whole baby stage, which I can more than relate to. Actually she says her husband wanted kids more than her, but now that they're here he's not really all that involved. It's a common story you hear. Babies are a LOT of work and an awful lot of guys understandably make themselves scarce, leaving their partners alone to mop up the milk, wee and tears.

Anyone who gets off being elbow deep in things I thought only S&M mistresses had to deal with has a conflict of interest. And all six month olds I've met fail to say thank you mum, thanks for changing and feeding me seven times a day and making sure my day is filled with an interesting age appropriate but not overstimulating variety of activities! Thank you for letting me take over your life like a virus!

It’s all just so boring sometimes, just the same drudgery, I console. She agrees. And it’s hard to find other mums who feel the same way, I say and she nods vigorously. “What are they all doing, pushing their kids in designer prams and sashaying from coffee date to manicure??” she cries.

“And they’re all so NIIICE” I say. “I KNOW! Is anyone around here not boring?” We sadly shake our heads at the nice but boring women surrounding us – at playgroup, the gym, the park, the beach, library story time and the shops. No wonder Jessica Rowe got depressed - and she had a two Nannies for the morning and the evening according to her latest book. So if even two nannies can't protect you from PND, what can? Ecstasy?

Babies are f-ed, I say. They wreck your lives and make once sexy women into yabbering zombies. The boredom and loneliness of early unsupported motherhood can wreak havoc with even the most upbeat mum's temperament. We both agree, then get back to pouring milk and solids down our respective children’s mouths.