While I was out...

Leopard print for the boy!!!!!!!

So I haven't posted anything for about two fat months but they have not been slow lazy sun and sex fuelled months, believe me.

While I was finishing the practicum placement of my teaching degree in Sydney, which involves me teaching four grades of pimply but rather hilarious teenagers for 80 days full time, ten hours weekly commute, $500pw in childcare and fuel bills, no income, student fees and tiresome hard to communicate with lecturers...the media simply did not let up on mothers and mothers kept on bitching about other mothers!

I felt exhausted just thinking of all the problems mothers are responsible for, including that my daughter turned up to childcare wearing wispy Balinese sundresses in the middle of winter because my husband said she wanted it, and that Sue on Puberty Blues had developed a drinking problem and a nasty habit of teenage sex.

The media was busily keeping tabs on the mothers of the world while I was swotting away. August and September saw Jessica Simpson pilloried for not shedding her baby weight in under six months, Kendra defend her by saying she was focused on her baby and couldn't run due to her large tits anyway, some unfamous British personal trainer given a tongue lashing for telling new mums to get a grip and stop getting so fat, and my favourite Kardashian, Khloe, start fertility treatment. Snooki also happily birthed a baby boy and showed him off in a bassinet replete with leopard print blankets. Awww...a must have for every guido baby.

The shock event of the month was when X grade celebrity Charlotte Dawson tried unsuccessfully to top herself after being urged to do so by several 4chan members on Twitter. I mean, this is someone who makes a living being nasty to vulnerable people, which may explain her fragility of self. A feature quite apparent in her shaky psych ward 60 Minutes interview. If 4chan told me to put my head in an oven I'd chide them for putting me in the same literary league as Sylvia Plath.

And even while I was up to my teeth in lesson plans on medieval Europe, Mussolini, women's lib and federation Australia, I still had time to start yet another novel, this time a fan fiction inspired by yet another sex fuelled debut novel, book several flights, organise my daughter's 2nd birthday party (that's an overstatement as there's nothing to organise, just a box of booze, some fairy bread and turn up at Sydney's Palm Beach next week) and read several interesting books to undermine my cultural values including Sex at Dawn, The Sex Starved Marriage, and Mating in Captivity. Darned good reads I will review shortly.

I have nothing of value to add at this late hour in the day. I think the media sums it up best by saying to mums: "if you can't cope with your kids, why did you have them in the first place? YOU made the lifestyle choice, YOU deal with it!!"

On that note, remind me to write something soon on private school mothers, and on darling Khloe and her imminent baby with Lamar, what a treat that child will be, and so dearly awaited.

In Defence of the Kardashians

Khloe is the funniest...

When I started watching the Kardashian family in action five years ago, I saw a funny, daggy bunch of sisters fighting over trivial things. They reminded me of my family. 

I come from a family of four girls. Like the Kardashians we grew up yelling at, and jumping on, each other in a big house with broken doors. Like the Kardashians’ mum, my mum is conservative Catholic. And like the Kardashian father, an Armenian, my father’s grandparents come from neighbouring Georgia. I like to think there’s a level of warmth, bossiness and female dominance shared by families from this part of the world.

I just don’t get why the world hates these sisters. They are funny, smart and experts of PR. Major charges levelled against them are that they are spoilt, trashy, cheap, sexually promiscuous (or even "reckless"!) and talentless. That Kim’s only claim to fame is a deliberately leaked sex video. So why do they command so much attention, with a hit TV series going into its seventh season with several spin offs, various successful product lines and more branding kudos than Richard Branson?

I think they are fabulous role models and would be very proud for my daughter to turn out like any of them, but especially my favourite, Khloe. I love her to pieces, from her curves in fur PETA campaign to constantly fighting with her mum, her gorgeous husband Lamar, and almost getting fired in her Miami radio DJ job where she shone as the very talented comedian she is.

Khloe has more vagina jokes up her sleeve than Tina Fey, more personality, and more cheek than any other person famous for being funny. She also puts Kourtney's dodgy babydaddy Scott in his place and has impeccable judgement in character. The episode where she went to anger management was gold. So leave her, and the clan, alone.

We live in a world where most women are famous for their looks alone, so why is it such a crime the Kardashians are not only beautiful but also smart, rude, funny, loyal and business minded? If only some of those vapid vacant Victoria’s Secret angels could claim half as much talent as the sisters.

I just love how their pushy stage mom Kris acts all wide-eyed and innocent while coercing them into Girls Gone Wild and Playboy shoots. I love how she pretends to protect her daughters while pushing her teen model daughter into bikinis for some smoky eyed shoots. If my daughter were as sexy as hers I would be doing the same, and putting the money into her college fund. Or my entertainment fund...

And I really loved how when Rob thought he had made a scary latino ex, Rosa, pregnant he was very honorable in his behavior even while his mum and sisters were freaking out.

If nothing else, the TV series gives an excellent insight into how to get along as a family even when technically you should be at each other’s throats. Like I said, it’s a lot like my family, and I’m proud that both my rapidly enlarging family and the Kardashians can all sit around a table at the end of the day and laugh. Because that’s what it’s all about.

Now that it looks like Kim and my favorite contemporary musician Kanye will be having a baby in about eleven months I'll be watching them more closely as this is one celebrity sprog I'd love see...