Mothers Prayer for her Daughter

Already the mother of Alice and Penelope, motherhood is very much on the comedienne's mind. So now we bring you this excerpt from Tina Fey's book, Bossypants:

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it's the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach's eye, not the the Beauty.

Formula Feeding Does Not Kill Your Baby, or make them Fat or Dumb

Nuthin wrong with a little formula

Before I had a baby I knew everything. I knew I would get pregnant easily, try for a natural birth, scream for an epidural after about five minutes, and breastfeed.

 When a friend had a C-section and bottle fed, I remember thinking Gosh, she has really taken the easy road, hasn't she? I mean, why bother if you don't give birth naturally and breastfeed?? Why bother indeed because about 12 months later I found myself with a baby in one hand, bottle in the other and searing pain along the abdominal incision where said baby was pulled out. Eating my words.

I mostly bottle fed after five months of combining breast and bottle with mixed results. I even took 20 Motillum a day, fenugreek and milk thistle imported from the USA on express shipping in a desperate attempt to increase my milk supply. Baby ended up in emergency due to starvation. But who really cares HOW I fed my baby - what kid is going to remember whether they were bottle or breastfed, or even fed at all? I really appreciate one comment made on facebook by my friend "Bottle or breast, fed is best."

Where did I get my terrible attitude from in the first place, and why does everyone think it's just so easy to breastfeed, that it really is a choice for women? For so many the choice is not breast VS bottle.
The choice is a Catch 22: A or B -

A. Breast feed, and please everyone, and do "what's best for baby", even though I

• am in extreme pain when I breastfeed due to infected ducts, blisters and lacerations,
• do not have enough milk so my baby screams constantly in hunger;
• have too much milk so my baby drowns and chokes
• feel awful breastfeeding and can't stop crying
• have a psychological block to breastfeeding
• have any number of other problems common to mothers attempting breastfeeding.

B. Bottle feed even in the face of criticism and midwives claiming it's poison.The baby health nurse at my local Sydney baby clinic actually said formula is poison.

Where did she get the idea that a life saving powder made up of fats, sugars and vitamins is bad? And what gave her licence to misinform an entire generation of new mothers? When did we get so nuts as a society?

Looking at those born in the 60s and 70s, or in France and China, where about 90 per cent of babies were/are bottle fed I really don't see any major plunge in their intelligence, spark in their obesity rates or any other major problems apparently caused by the dreaded formula. Mothers today are told that they should only formula feed if they want a fat dumb baby.

Last I checked an awful lot of Australians were fat and dumb and it had little to do with their food intake in those first six months.

I like how Tina Fey said in her Bossypants book "every woman has a magical number when it comes to breastfeeding, from 3 months to eight years. For me and my baby, that perfect number was about 72 hours." She was one of those mothers who pumped breast milk to bottle feed her baby, again illuminating how fraught and complex the issue of feeding a tiny newborn really is: some women cannot or don't want to do the latch nipple thing, but have enough milk and facilities to pump so do not have to buy formula.

I really like how Mia Freedman questioned midwives' stranglehold on the whole issue. Why is being BFHI friendly hospital so important in Australia? Why is what the WHO recommends even relevant here when we have clean water, expert medical advice in every suburb and good quality formula?

I just wish my prenatal classes had prepared me for the problem of low milk supply, and advised me to at least consider the possibility I would need to recover from major surgery, housebound AND have some bottles and formula at home in preparation for the hungry screaming newborn I was about to bring into the world.

In Defence of the Kardashians

Khloe is the funniest...

When I started watching the Kardashian family in action five years ago, I saw a funny, daggy bunch of sisters fighting over trivial things. They reminded me of my family. 

I come from a family of four girls. Like the Kardashians we grew up yelling at, and jumping on, each other in a big house with broken doors. Like the Kardashians’ mum, my mum is conservative Catholic. And like the Kardashian father, an Armenian, my father’s grandparents come from neighbouring Georgia. I like to think there’s a level of warmth, bossiness and female dominance shared by families from this part of the world.

I just don’t get why the world hates these sisters. They are funny, smart and experts of PR. Major charges levelled against them are that they are spoilt, trashy, cheap, sexually promiscuous (or even "reckless"!) and talentless. That Kim’s only claim to fame is a deliberately leaked sex video. So why do they command so much attention, with a hit TV series going into its seventh season with several spin offs, various successful product lines and more branding kudos than Richard Branson?

I think they are fabulous role models and would be very proud for my daughter to turn out like any of them, but especially my favourite, Khloe. I love her to pieces, from her curves in fur PETA campaign to constantly fighting with her mum, her gorgeous husband Lamar, and almost getting fired in her Miami radio DJ job where she shone as the very talented comedian she is.

Khloe has more vagina jokes up her sleeve than Tina Fey, more personality, and more cheek than any other person famous for being funny. She also puts Kourtney's dodgy babydaddy Scott in his place and has impeccable judgement in character. The episode where she went to anger management was gold. So leave her, and the clan, alone.

We live in a world where most women are famous for their looks alone, so why is it such a crime the Kardashians are not only beautiful but also smart, rude, funny, loyal and business minded? If only some of those vapid vacant Victoria’s Secret angels could claim half as much talent as the sisters.

I just love how their pushy stage mom Kris acts all wide-eyed and innocent while coercing them into Girls Gone Wild and Playboy shoots. I love how she pretends to protect her daughters while pushing her teen model daughter into bikinis for some smoky eyed shoots. If my daughter were as sexy as hers I would be doing the same, and putting the money into her college fund. Or my entertainment fund...

And I really loved how when Rob thought he had made a scary latino ex, Rosa, pregnant he was very honorable in his behavior even while his mum and sisters were freaking out.

If nothing else, the TV series gives an excellent insight into how to get along as a family even when technically you should be at each other’s throats. Like I said, it’s a lot like my family, and I’m proud that both my rapidly enlarging family and the Kardashians can all sit around a table at the end of the day and laugh. Because that’s what it’s all about.

Now that it looks like Kim and my favorite contemporary musician Kanye will be having a baby in about eleven months I'll be watching them more closely as this is one celebrity sprog I'd love see...