On Being a Fat Chick

Snooki losing weight

I have been fat, curvy, chubby, voluptuous, a cakelover, Rubenesque, rounded and plain obese for most of my life. The thing is, I think I look great and have never considered using my appearance to my advantage. And I think that should end.

Everywhere I look I see fat chicks banging on about how life is as a fat chick, and skinny chicks bemoaning the fact they have no ass. It’s the pet topic of the underweight Ms Mamamia Mia Freedman, who can be found in most media outlets harping on about body image and promoting fat chicks in magazines.

Being fat made that fat chick from The View famous. Khloe Kardashian got instant street cred for “celebrating body diversity” in her fur shoot. And Jersey Shore’s Snooki gained an overnight fan base from flashing her rapidly shrinking ass. The retro Fat Chicks in Party Hats was one of my first favorite websites when I was a teenager.

Fashion editors and designers glance up from their strips of silk and lines of coke long enough to say “hey we’re not cutting cloth for fat chicks”, Anna Wintour doesn’t bat an eyelid (but does she ever, even during bukaki?), and the world keeps on turning, a world where chubby girls are treated like dogs every day of their school life until they become mums and everyone urges them to celebrate their curves.

But while we’re all pretending that fat chicks are the bomb, it’s about time I started making a living from my enlarged moneymaker. I can’t help it that I love chocolate. It’s a permanent fixture in my life. Last week over easter I ate over a kilo of chocolate and I really don’t care what it does for my already oversized curves. When I wasn’t married, I knew if I didn’t find a husband in Australia, where men drive utes with “no fat chicks” bumper stickers, I’d go to the USA where the guys adore curves.

The only downside of being fat – especially the year I became a mother and sat in the obese category for quite some time – were those nasty Kmart knits. Oh and the dirty looks I get at the gym. But because I go to the beach 300 days a year and enjoy slurrying around in my black lyrca uniform, or nothing at all, clothes generally aren’t an issue for me. And dirty looks are something I got used to a long time ago.

So here you have it: moi, fat mamma famous for being fat? Nice to meet you.